Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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