The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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