hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
