i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
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I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
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Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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