Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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