Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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