Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
