If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
There was a lot of him and a little penis
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
