Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
