i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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