I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
