I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
