We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
