I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Drunk is not a location!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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