he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
