That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
