your thong is hanging out like whoa
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
