Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
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