It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
