i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
