It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
