he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
