hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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