someone threw a dead crab at me
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
