Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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