Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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