I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
