Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
