my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
