btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
it glows. i had to have it.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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