dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
