She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
