I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
