i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
