Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
