I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
