I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
