i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
