God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
