I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
