My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
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Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
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We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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