taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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