At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
