I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
