im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
