Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I think I just sharted jello shots
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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