last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
The chlamydia really affected his face.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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