you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
