girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
my being single is dangerous.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
