Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
