Cold hands, warm shart.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
