I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
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