I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
