does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
third nipple confirmed
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
