She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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