we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
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Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
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The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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