The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Randomize
