Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
