If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
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