hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
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Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
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Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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