Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
