Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
