god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize