I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
