I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
