I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
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