Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
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i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
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Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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